Clients From Hell


Corporation’s new logo – The Onion

Parody on a company’s logo change.

Filed under: Uncategorized

Mr. Intermediary

The end-client is not very savvy about corporate identity and branding and what it can do for his company. He probably doesn’t even know that there are people who make a decent living [ ok, live like kings ] doing corporate identity and branding ONLY.

The client’s friend is someone who knows what branding is all about [ “knows more than the client” would be a better way to describe it ]. This is Mr. Intermediary. The brief was filled in my Mr. Intermediary. Mr. Intermediary went online [ Logopond specifically ] to pick out logos he liked and he thought the client liked [ he even told me – “Internationally not every logo can be different, so I’m ok with it if you copy something and modify it slightly. We are going to be using it STRICTLY locally.” That is one huge problem with any client – they don’t know how to dream big, they don’t have a vision that they MIGHT be international players at some point. ] Mr. Intermediary even critiqued the first set of sketches that I sent to the client.

Result : the client doesn’t like anything I’ve done, Mr. Intermediary doesn’t know his elbow-from-his ass anymore [ he talks in loops – more than 30 minutes per conversation when trying to get his point across – obviously a 40-year old frustrated bastard with nothing else to do with his life than preach design ] and I’m one lost puppy who just wants some milk and a cosy litter-box to wail away my woes. Arf!

During a conference call with the end-client, I finally told Mr. Intermediary to fuck-off. The end-client called me up after the conference call and said that that might have been a good decision. Fortunately it worked out well for me [ apart from the fact that I now have to re-start from scratch ]. With an uneducated client who fortunately has some common sense. Woof!

Filed under: from HELL

They have the money…

…but they don’t know what a logo is.

This particular client has money to pay, they did not negotiate on my initial quote – they said they liked my work and wanted only me to do it. So here I am doing their logo.

Problem #1 : “Mr. Design Designer, we don’t know what crap this creative brief is, we are not going to fill it. We are paying you so you fill the damn brief – what else are we paying you for?” [ Huh! ]

Problem #2 : “Mr. Design Designer, we’ve seen the first draft that you sent, but we don’t want our logo to look like that – this is ugly – all pencil marks and it’s just black and white and where’s the name of our company?”

Problem #3 : “Mr. Design Designer, we saw the example of finished logo from your sketches, but we don’t like these logos. It doesn’t reflect our brand or our values.” [ Dude, if you’d told me what your stupid brand was and what your values were in the first place, maybe I would have come up with something that reflected those key-points. ]

Problem #4 : “Mr. Design Designer, actually we are four partners, I like number 1 from your third draft, partner B likes number 5 from your second draft, partner C likes number 2 from the third draft and partner C likes the one on the bottom right from your first set of sketches. We need approval from all four before this is finalized.” [ And when were you going to tell me that there are four suckers who need to be bought in? After I’d “finished” the logo? ]

Problem #5 : “Mr. Design Designer, we’ll give you plane tickets to come and visit our non-existing office so we can all sit face-to-face and discuss this to finalize it.” [ Uh! You can afford to fly me half-way across the globe, but you don’t have no brains buddy. Must have eroded trying to get a buy-in from the other three for all your projects. ]

Problem #6 : There’s a fifth chap who for some reason is acting as intermediary.

Maybe I should be spending more time designing the damn logo than wasting time here posting what fuckers I have to work with. They still have to give me the balance payment and I still have to fly half-way across the globe afterall 😉

Filed under: from HELL

Fonts for free

Another pet peeve of mine is that for some reason clients don’t get it that fonts are not free. That typefaces and fonts need to be purchased from font foundries. That some people actually have careers in font design and development.

My deliverables almost ALWAYS include submission of font/typeface used in the project. And each time I have to tell the client that these fonts are licensed and they will need to purchase a copy from the relevant seller. ( In all projects I convert the font to outlines so that the client doesn’t have to worry about inconsistency. ) Since most of the good fonts out there are expensive, when they find out about the price after visiting the link I provide them, all clients revert with a “What the hell are you talking about? How the hell am I going to edit my brochure? How the hell am I going to type out my logo for the soft-board in my cubicle?”

Buy the font for starters.

And leave the designing to designers. Is that so hard to get? No wonder a majority of clients who use the services of a designer, end up with badly-designed work – they meddle so much and sometimes completely overtake the designer.

Filed under: from HELL

Clients From Hell : Yeah

Bitching about clients. The bad ones. And boy are there many. The good ones are meant for the real, company-linked design blog. The bad ones go down in history here - I wish I could tell them to their face where they're screwing up but then I'll just be a poor designer instead of the decently rich one I am now. Compromises.