Clients From Hell

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picking Fonts

It’s Sunday. And I am having a HARD time finding the absolutely grossest fonts – because the damn client doesn’t like any of the “sensible” fonts – I now have to look around for fonts that totally suck and I thought it would be easy – but it’s one of the toughest things I’ve done [ am doing as I write actually ].

Any clues on some of the worst font sites on the web? I want something fat and stubby or fat and scripty or something like a child’s doodle.

And I’m doing it on a Sunday by developing split peronality – so that the rest of the week, I can be a better designer, having gotten rid of the horrible designer before the beginning of the week. Phew!

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Filed under: from HELL

so What do you want?

CLIENTSPEAK

“I want a sexy logo.”
“I want the allure and the aura of my brand to be visible in the logo.”
“I want it to be different.”
“I want you to use your judgement and create this absolutely stunning logo.”
“I CANNOT pay you your asking price – but you need to make your wonderful talents available to the masses Mr. Design Designer.”
“I don’t want to color your design judgement based on what I think will look good as my logo.”
“I am so very disappointed with that logo you’ve designed! How could you?”
“Don’t you remember I told you that the logo and the font need to be embedded together?”
“I would like a splash of red.”
“I hate that font you’re using – what is it called – ah! Garamond – who created that stupid looking thing anyway!”
“I love the logo of that famous similar-product company – can we do something similar?”
“I don’t mean to sound harsh [ but I’ve paid you money you know and now I’m feeling that because I’ve paid you only tenth your asking price, you won’t put your heart and soul into the job ].”
“I know what looks good for my brand – so don’t tell me which design looks better or suits my brand – and if you do tell me, I am going to shoot it down anyway.”

DESIGNERTHINK

Should I just return his 50% advance and ask him to BITE ME?

Filed under: from HELL

delayed

I started negotiating the terms and conditions with this particular client about six weeks back. They STILL have not decided on what the hell they want to do!

In one of the first communications, I told them my quote, the timelines, the terms – and they still want to negotiate – why can’t they just tell me “Sorry Mr. Design Designer, we don’t like your terms so we are not going to work with you.”

But NO! They’ve told me “Yes dear, we love your work, we like your style, but we can’t give you that advance before starting – you see, we are this huge video distribution company and we have loaded pockets, but after negotiating your prices down to about half of what you’d started with, we can’t give you that 50% advance. It’s company policy.”

When I told them that my company policy was 50% advance otherwise no start, they were like “Oh! Don’t be silly, don’t you trust us!?” And I was like – this is worse that the saucer-eyed cat in Shrek II – atleast the cat was cute!

Trust you, my ass.
Why don’t you trust me and pay the whole damn amount before the project starts? Huh?

Filed under: from HELL

NOW you tell me how you want it

Well, I’ve gone and done pretty much the whole logo. Logo-design principle says it should be SIMPLE, CLEAN, UNIQUE – a unique identifiable mark no?

So I did that – presented a wonderful shape – excellent symbol – with all the meaning of the brand integrated into it and the concept integrated into it – and NOW you tell me you want a “Comic Sans”?!

Huh!

You actually have the cheek to tell me – “I don’t understand what makes you go and pick up all those ugly fonts!” when I use Garamond? Jeezus!

You actually refer me to “Font for Kids” to use fonts for your “sophisticated, elegant, parent-company, premium-product brand”.

And you’re paying me 1/10th of my usual fee because you’re a freind’s best-friend referral.

Go to hell dude – I’ll just do what you’re asking me to do and NEVER show it on my portfolio. Yechch.

Filed under: from HELL

Clients From Hell : Yeah

Bitching about clients. The bad ones. And boy are there many. The good ones are meant for the real, company-linked design blog. The bad ones go down in history here - I wish I could tell them to their face where they're screwing up but then I'll just be a poor designer instead of the decently rich one I am now. Compromises.

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