Clients From Hell

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Friends for free

So this stranger chick sends me a Facebook message saying she loves my work and wants me to shoot her wedding.

So I say thanks and send her the initial rate list.

She freaks.

She actually writes to me saying, “Oh but would you pretty please consider shooting it for me for free?”

Bitch. No wait. Bitches are usually smart. This one’s just a stupid cow.

But that’s not all. She then proceeds to call up one of my mates – a close friend – she’s acquainted with him. And she says to him, “Oh but please can you speak to them and ask them to do it for free for me as a favor to you?”

Holy cow indeed.
Of course, my mate’s in a similar profession so he laughs in her face on the call and wishes her all the best.

Much education is required.

Filed under: from HELL

…very liberal thoughts…

“We both have very liberal thoughts….”
But you obviously don’t have any professionalism / courtesy to reply to a fucking email or return a call or reply to my text message.

Disclaimer : I’m so glad I have this space to rant and bitch. In my work life, I prefer to deal with painful transactions and convert them to paying clients.

Filed under: from HELL

The light is artificial

Ranting about idiots who don’t know what they’re talking but they do have a mouth so they have to use it say something no matter what it is.

DIE FUCKERS DIE!

“Oh, it’s a nice shot but you know, the light from the back is looking artificial.”

What the fuck were you expecting dipshit – it’s a client commissioned fashion shoot – there are tons of artificial lights.

Oh wait, you’re not from the client’s side, you’re not a friend of mine, you aren’t even a photographer and you certainly know nothing about lighting. Fucking asshole.

Go hide in your hole some place.

And I can’t even call him out publicly. Have to be all polite and “Oh thanks for the compliment but what do you mean about the light?” AND I have to add a fucking smiley to boot.

Filed under: from HELL

Fine art of negotiation

“But I can’t accept your pricing as-is. You have to reduce a little at least. Just for the sake of negotiation.”

It’s client’s like these that make me want to commit homicide at least once a week.
I can’t inflate my pricing just for idiots like these because that would be unfair to my other clients and if I don’t inflate, I am forced to reduce a little just for the sake of this idiocy.

Most of these requests are made by people who are not in charge of the payments – and are not the final decision makers. The manager who has been asked by the COO to find a designer or a bride whose Dad is footing the bill for her wedding.

Filed under: from HELL,

That’s too expensive, no one charges so much

Huh. Really? You know my industry better than I do?

And why would you open your call to me introducing yourself like this : “I wanted to know more about your services, I am also a journalist with so-and-so-newspaper.”

“But this is not a special wedding or anything. Not an industrialist’s wedding you know. Just a normal wedding. No one charges this much.”

Pause.

“I saw your website a few days ago, I’m not sure what I saw. You are one of those special photographers right?” [ Referring to candid wedding photography. ]

If you’re fishing for pricing, make it clear. I don’t have a problem sharing my pricing. But please understand that I am not delusional when I’m sharing my pricing. I DO charge that much. Negotiating without knowing what you’re negotiating for is the first signal that I don’t want to work with you.

Filed under: from HELL

Limo

“You must see our engagement photographs! Here’s a link to our website.”

First image : Limo hired to drive couple to party with friends after lady accepted proposal.
Second image : image fat diamond solitaire ring on lady’s finger.

Me thinking : Er, you hired a Limo and don’t have the money to pay for a professional wedding photographer to capture your wedding? And you’re sending me a link to your engagement photos that the other wedding photographer shot and 90% of those images are not even in focus?

If it isn’t important enough for your to have it captured, why bother and waste my time?

Idiot.

Congratulations on your wedding though!

Filed under: from HELL

Calling

Calling to find out how I work and how much I charge? You call anytime you like, that is convenient to you. You don’t have the courtesy to ask, “Is this a good time to talk?”
I speak with you, explaining all the nuances of a typical assignment and educate you and equip you to deal with any other professionals you might be speaking with. I spend 30 minutes on the phone with you and when you hire someone else, you don’t even have the professionalism to give me a fucking call and tell me you’re not hiring me?

The excuse of, “Oh but it doesn’t feel nice to tell someone I’m not hiring them.” is lame and silly. You’re not five years old. Learn how to deal with rejection because that is the only reason you can’t deal with informing someone else about their rejection. Morons.

And no, it is NOT cool to reject someone’s services over a phone text. Have the balls to call them up. Because if you don’t call, I will and then you’ll feel even worse.

Filed under: from HELL, , , , , ,

Brief. Like my briefs. Full of balls.

Why wouldn’t you want to spend a few hours filling in the creative brief, even though the brand designer has taken the pain to formulate the questions for you?

Because I’m paying for it already. You answer the questions.

But asshole, you’re paying for designing the logo, not for life lessons on what your brands does…

Filed under: from HELL

Gimme a deal, boy.

Uh. I’ll throw in my ass for free too.

You’re a close friend’s third cousin with a new baby in the house. You’ve met me once.
Now you want me to make pictures of your baby.
I tell you I’ll give you family rates, well, because you are, technically family.
And you tell me you want a further deal.

Are you like retarded?
Didn’t I just GIVE you a deal?
And then when I turn them down they get pissed.

Filed under: from HELL

Why read the contract?

Always the same excuse : that there’s too much work to allow time for blogging. Truth is, sometimes I just don’t give a fuck. Bad clients will always be present and sometimes, just sometimes, dissing them over beer isn’t as satisfying as turning down the engagement and telling them to fuck off. With their money. Done that a couple of times and nothing more satisfying. Might not be the best practical solution, but heck, feels good.

The latest is the client who didn’t read the contract. And signed it. And then argued with me. And got what they deserved. What kind of a person, running a multi-national business, does not read a piece of paper they are signing? A legal piece of paper. Everything was spelled out correctly and the way it is with all my business contracts. Maybe I should have put in some other stuff and charged some extra. In the future, maybe I will include a charge for “not reading the contract”. Halfway through the engagement, they told me they didn’t like what they were seeing – after all the iterations and phases had been exhausted. The contract mentioned a certain number of iterations and phases and that extras will be charged. They had the gall to then tell me that I hadn’t told them / informed them and that they would not “condone such behavior”. Like WTF! Seriously?

Of course, the contract they had signed had clearly mentioned all specifics so they couldn’t do anything about the “condone” bit. In exchange, I also wrote a stinker with the “condone” bit from my side. Well and truly pissed. How are such people in business? Oh wait, they were “outsroucing for our client” so they could obviously spend the client’s money without reading the contract.

Ah. More later. The thing I tell myself is that the lesser bad clients I have, the lesser I write here, which works both ways!

Filed under: from HELL

Clients From Hell : Yeah

Bitching about clients. The bad ones. And boy are there many. The good ones are meant for the real, company-linked design blog. The bad ones go down in history here - I wish I could tell them to their face where they're screwing up but then I'll just be a poor designer instead of the decently rich one I am now. Compromises.

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